


Lost Talent

by triste



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin loses a certain something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Talent

Title: Lost Talent  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Merlin  
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Episode 11  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

Never again would he complain about Gaius and his cooking, Merlin thought as he dug into his meal with relish. It was real food, *proper* food, food that hadn't been made out of vermin or something equally nasty, and if his table manners suffered slightly in the process of gaining much-needed nourishment... well, there had been famine. And a drought. That was all the excuse Merlin needed to keep shovelling the soup down his throat as Gaius frowned at him in disapproval.

"But really," said Merlin, tearing off another chunk of bread and dipping it into his soup before ramming it into his mouth and mumbling the rest of his words around it as he chewed, "you should have *seen* it, Gaius. It was so pretty and perfect, all white and glowy and *magical*. I actually got to touch it, at least until Arthur killed it, I mean, but it was all soft and velvety and-"

"Yes, yes, I've read the descriptions," said Gaius. "Unicorns are rare and beautiful creatures, I know, and I'm sure it was an enchanting sight. You, however, are the exact opposite. I'm aware of how hungry you must be-"

"Starving, actually," Merlin interrupted.

"But that is no reason for you to talk and eat simultaneously," finished Gaius, his tone haughty. "Do one or the other, but please not both. You're making me lose my appetite just watching you."

"Sorry." Merlin paused long enough to wipe the corner of his mouth to catch the sliver of soup he'd spilled with his thumb and stuck it into his mouth (no point wasting good food) as Gaius sighed in defeat. "Anyway, I wish you could have been there. It was so-"

"White and glowy and magical. You've told me already. I have seen pictures of unicorns."

"But it's not the same. A book can only show you what they look like. It can't tell you how something feels or smells."

"Thank heavens for that," Gaius said dryly. "Imagine an artist attempting to convey *your* fragrant aroma."

"I'll have a bath as soon as I'm finished here," Merlin promised. "And don't make anything with the leftover water. I've had enough soapy tea to last me a lifetime."

"I assume it's better than what you cooked up for Arthur. What was it again? Rat stew?"

"Don't remind me. And don't tell Morgana either." Gaius raised one eyebrow, but Merlin refused to elaborate. "Like I was saying, that unicorn is the most amazing thing I've ever seen or touched. Can you believe it actually let me do that? I thought they were supposed to be untameable."

Gaius shrugged. "Unicorns are attracted to virgins, or so it's been written."

Merlin choked on his soup. "They're attracted to *what*?"

"Virgins. Maiden ones, to be precise."

"Oh." Merlin put his spoon down. "Right." He was suddenly a lot less eager to express his passion for the mythical beast he'd encountered after hearing that response. "But I'm not a maiden," he added hastily. "And it was probably only attracted to my magic."

"Unicorns are creatures of purity," Gaius pointed out. "The reason for the resurrection of the one that Arthur had slain was because he passed the test and proved his own pure heart."

"I suppose that's sort of true," Merlin relented. "He did agree to my suggestion of giving the unicorn's horn a burial. He even learned his lesson. At least now he'll think twice about killing poor, defenceless animals. He might be a prat, but he's a decent prat. And the unicorn came back, so that makes everything okay."

"But you told me that it wouldn't come near you," Gaius reminded him.

"Um, yeah. How bizarre."

"Yes, very bizarre. And possibly related to the way in which you entered my chambers with what can only be described as a 'crab-like scuttle'. I'm also guessing it had something to do with your inability to sit down properly at the table."

"There was a maze," Merlin mumbled. "There was also a lot of running around and falling over and getting tied up in vines. I was held hostage, you see."

"Go on," Gaius prompted.

"There were these poisoned goblets that turned out not to be poisoned after all, but Arthur and I argued over wanting to die for each other, and then he tricked me because he's stubborn and stupid. I might have cried a bit because I thought he was dead, not because Arthur thinks I can be a big girl sometimes, but then he woke up and called me a big girl anyway and then he hit me because I got his tunic all soggy with snot. I was just so happy to see him alive that I... and then we..." Merlin trailed off feebly, and Gaius shook his head.

"And that solves the mystery of your lost unicorn taming talent. I suppose you'll be wanting some salve, by the way. For your..." Gaius cleared his throat. "It'll help with the soreness."

"Right," said Merlin, his face flaming. "Thanks."

"You will write home to your mother about this, won't you?"

"It'd certainly make an interesting letter. 'Dear Mum, today I met a unicorn and got deflowered by the crown prince.' Oh, she'd love that."

"I thought she approved of Arthur?"

"Not enough to let him... well, you know. And my mum can be terrifying when she's angry."

"Indeed," said Gaius. "For the time being, I'll advise you to finish your dinner before it gets cold. Then you can take your bath. All I ask in return is that you refrain from regaling me with stories about your activities with Arthur the same way you regaled me about the unicorn."

"I won't," said Merlin, relieved. "You don't have to worry about that. It wasn't pretty or perfect. Just messy. But not completely horrible." Then he saw the look on his guardian's face. "And I'll shut up now before you start brewing tea out of bath water again."

 

End.


End file.
